Hear me out. We all have our own processes and routines. I know that. But I had a realisation the other day. I know people are proud of my writing. I know that. But at the same time, I feel like my writing is an inconvenience and even I couldn't make sense of that. But I realised that people love it when I get an acceptance email, they love seeing my name in a book or a magazine or whatever. But they don't appreciate how hard writing is.
I'm not saying I'm an amazing writer. I'm not. But I work hard. Now, to be clear: I'm the primary audience of my own poems because 99% of them are a way for me to process some feeling or experience. But I still work hard and, quite frankly, it's very time consuming and no one seems to realise how hard writing is. Certainly not in my life.
I'm not really looking for a solution because I think unless you are a writer, you don't understand the process. I just wondered if anyone else kind of felt under appreciated?
I believe you on how hard writing is. Some writers are okay with just being an audience of one and some writers have huge egos to point where they become delusional.Thinking their writings will save the world.At least for me anyway.I think another thing to consider is reasoning behind feeling under appreciated.If your writing is being love,would it not be accepted?
Not in poetry submission sense,in general.
To answer your question,yes.
My last university performance,was i think the last time I actually put in any effort into making performance meaningful.I was ready to ROCK the Stage like only I know I can.
And I perform two pieces in one night.
Poetry part was fine.It was monologue where I screw up BIG time.So badly I walk out of college auditorium and that was the end of any effort,care or love I had for anything art related.
Point being,I felt under appreciated because I put in so much time in pieces,rehearsal after work,talking to organizers about coming in,emailing back and forth,mind you,I was dealing with college kids,and honestly,I felt lonely,since nobody understood what I was really going through.A bad performance can seem like a death sentence because of how much effort it takes to write,re writes,edits and thinking this was going to change the entire landscape,except it didn't.
Thankfully,it wasn't.
As I said,that was last time I put any care to my poetry work.Sure,I wrote alot poems,but I might not care about my work,because I'm just scared to re commit to my art,especially what happen that night.Although,I would like to think I am in better head space,in terms of how I approach my art now,memory is still ingrained in my memory,as I continue to forgive myself on what happen that night.
Sure,I'm writing poetry chap book,but I personally can care less about it.
Because its my first book,and I expect to flop anyway.Natural human progression I suppose.Doesn't mean I won't be careful but does mean that I'm no longer putting my self worth on a craft that can be taken away from me at any moment,just like what happen with me and my acting.
Long winded answer,hope all this made sense.