Hello, lovelies! Come join me on an existential crisis I am currently experiencing :D
Well, not exactly, but I have spent the last few weeks thinking about a little thing called
Also before I continue, I just want you to know that the following gif appeared in my search for 'love' in the GIF box:
Anyway, back to my age old question of 'love at first sight' vs. gradual love. Which actually works?
A vast majority of successful and happy couples/married couples I know say they just knew when they first laid eyes on each other that the other person was the one. It sounds like something that goes beyond physical attraction, and more sensing that someone is right for you (I'm assuming you take into account how you two interact with one another when you first meet/lock eyes, and how natural that all feels). In my personal experience, I sensed from the moment I started speaking with my former partner that there was something there, like a little flicker of magic that grew pretty fast. I knew half way through the second date that I really, really liked him, and it didn't feel like anything I had experienced with anyone else before. Sadly, that relationship had to come to an end and it was for the better, and though that was a bit of a 'love at first sight' situation, the relationship didn't last. Neither did the relationships my friends or family members had, who also believed they all experienced love at first sight.
And then there are people you get along with and have things in common with, even people you are able to talk things through with, yet something is missing. I'm seeing someone at the moment and we're both on the same wavelength about things, and we joked about how if we were members of royalty who got married and had to stay married to each other (i.e. a Queen Elizabeth/Prince Phillip situation), we'd be one of the fortunate ones who would make it work and probably end up being very happy together and committed to one another. So naturally, that conversation confused the hell out of me. Is this kind of man husband material? Is simply wanting to be committed the answer? I know there are countless situations where that has not worked, but if I were to delve deeper into all the probabilities of what can and can't happen, this will end up being a thesis.
So, in a tinder-fuelled, 'wham bam thank you ma'am' age like this, how does one keep romance alive? Does it just happen? And what works, or makes your heart twerk? What is your experience?
Discuss :3
Best thread ever to read with a coffee at 8.20am on a work day.
I am such a softy and romantic I literally just teared up at this thread! Beautiful stuf you lovely humans!
Fantastic responses, everyone. Thank you. And I do think repeating what others are saying really does emphasise how essential certain qualities in a relationship are! I think we can all agree that a successful relationship needs to sustain itself beyond the magical honeymoon period because at the end of the day, magic is magic because it's a bit of an illusion, isn't it? So instead of being constantly spellbound by everything your partner does in the beginning of the relationship (this tends to wear off as time goes on) allow 'authentic' magic to enhance over time, the more you spend time with one another, the more you experience together, etc. I'm no expert either, lol, but I think it's realistic to pursue a relationship that is fruitful, enjoyable and supportive, in a nutshell.
@Marc Brimble , just like your poetry, you always know exactly what to say and how. Your insight is most definitely profound, believe me!
I met my wife where we both used to work. She was sooo cute and independent and funny and I told her that her hair looked like sheep's wool.
What I want to say is I know people who had no hormonal attraction to each other yet got on so well and had many things in common and eventually came to love each other in the same way most long term relationships do.
On the other hand you can have an immense attraction yet when alll the biology wears off you find out the other person is not as cool as you once thought.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about lol. i'm trying to be profound and deep and failing like an old horse.
I guess it all depends on what you're looking for.
Beautifully open thread Shen! Thanks
I think there's definitely something to be said about that mysterious instant recognition of someone who you feel is right for you. Someone you recognise as having similar interests, values and of course that attraction! Then comes the honeymoon period that Ken speaks about where you get to know each other and are continuing to court the other person. Then is the all important decision and willingness to commit to that person come rain or shine! Knowing and accepting each other and wanting to move through the all too strenuous journey of life whilst supporting each other.
Sorry if I have basically summarised what everyone else has said but if we're talking about making relationships work then I think these are all very important steps or 'tests' to pass. I think it all comes down to a recognition of who we are ourselves, and who the other person is too!
So to really cement what I'm trying to say and answer your question: how does one keep romance alive? I would say: acceptance, awareness: maturity, patience, and understanding. Lasting love is filled with ups and downs but when you find that person who is mature and willing to go through it all with you, it is so worth it because WOW :)
I think that the desire (and ability) for commitment are definitely a big part of the puzzle, but that itself is not enough. Aside from that I think there also needs to be a balance of compatibility along various practical dimensions such as goals and values, you need to have a friendship, and of course there needs to be a romantic connection.
As for the guy you're seeing now, are you confused because you get along really well in terms of practical stuff, friendship, and the willingness to commit but the romance/ spark aspect of it isn't really there? Or is it something else?